how can u be prego again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize