I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize