tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
