Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you will always have a special place in my vag
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
