so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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