oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
