just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
