i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize