no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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