when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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