i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
