I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
