Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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