You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
