Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
