Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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