No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
