tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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