She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize