hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
