Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
