Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
