i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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