So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
