So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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