By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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