My sheets look like a crime scene.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Too much gin, very little bucket
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
