We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
