Whod you bang
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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