yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
