Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize