So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
