I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
