I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
