The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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