if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
