I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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