My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
