did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
