the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Two words: blizzard sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
