Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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