So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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