So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
