I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
