i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
