we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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