Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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