You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
