you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
