My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Bring me that man meat
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
