There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
