he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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