I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
