if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
