i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
two words: eviction party
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
