i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
