pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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