i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
