when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
