I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
