I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i think i have two assholes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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