What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If that was your dad, he is hot
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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