I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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