how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
