Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
