all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
