omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
