I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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