I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize