i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
