omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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