Where is the hickey?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
