Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
