plz talk dirty to me
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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