Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
