the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
