he thought i was a dude.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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