I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
