i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
