Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
