I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
