they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
