She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just google imaged poop.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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