so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
