That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
