I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
